I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
