so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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