Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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