Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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