You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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