you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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