dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
