I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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