my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize