You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
