I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
