I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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