singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
NoShamevember. You game?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize