Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im six kinds of drunk right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i came on her dog
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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