Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
