apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
