My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
