Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
