Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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