look no pants
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
