He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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