Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
