Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
