Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
