matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
