Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
