I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
