He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
