it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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