birth control should be required to get into college
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
