Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
