shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
