My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize