I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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