it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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