Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
