Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We had to coat check the pizza.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize