You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
