So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
