dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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