Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
