she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
