sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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