omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
