I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
