Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
