in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
