i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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