there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
