I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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