This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
