I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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