i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
