Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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