Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
