my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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