clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
