Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
