You made me cry and you don't even care
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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