It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
