i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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