I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
