my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
