So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
