Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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