My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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