Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
one might say we're banned from that church
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i came on her dog
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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