Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
