I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize