Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize