Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
