The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
