Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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