Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
