She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
